How to Understand your Cat in 6 Easy Lessons

by Heather Diodati

Lesson One - Reasons why your cat is ignoring you
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- He's out of catnip
- You didn't buy any kitty treats on grocery day
- His milk bowl is empty
- You're trying to get his attention
- You just let the dog in
- "If that's the can opener I'll play indifferent just to let you know I'm in charge!"
- You're being obnoxious

Lesson Two - Reasons why your cat is staring at you
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- You've just sat down in his favorite chair
- He wants a taste of whatever your chewing
- Vulcat mind-meld!
- He's trying to figure YOU out!
- His litter box is staring to smell like the floor of the local barn
- This looks like a great nap-spot - I double dog dare you to sit here first!
- You're being VERY obnoxious

Lesson Three - Reasons why your cat is staring at you AND meowing
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- Things are getting more serious - he really wants that:

- catnip
- treat
- milk
- change of litterbox
- whatever your chewing

- That WAS the can opener and you had the NERVE not to even TRY to offer him anything!
- "Feed me NOW!"
- "Let me out NOW!"
- "Pay attention to me NOW!"
- "The dog is laying in my favorite nap-spot and he's not responding to claw-swipes!"

Lesson Four - Reasons why your cat jumps up on your lap
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- "I'd love to share my fleas with you"
- "I don't think I'll let you read the newspaper today"
- "If I'm nice to you will you feed me some of your dessert?"
- "Hey, how 'bout a scratch around my ears?"
- "I need a warm spot so I can cough-up my fur-ball"

Lesson Five - Reasons why your cat flinches in his sleep
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- Bad kitty dreams about his last vet experience
- Happy kitty dreams about chasing the neighbor's obnoxious dog into the garbage truck
- Bad kitty dreams about being sucked into the garbage truck along with the dog
- Happy kitty dreams about escaping from the garbage truck with a mouthful of mouse
- Bad kitty dreams about the mouse actually being a vampire bat!

Lesson Six - Reasons why your cat claims that grocery bag
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- "I'm sure I saw something interesting crawl inside"
- "Must hide from that obnoxious puppy they just brought home!"
- "Time to play my "jack-in-a-box" routine on the next human that passes by - see how high I can make them jump!"
- "OK - where's that catnip...kitty treat...new toy...roach..."

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